5.9.2019 ━ i'm so tired. every second i'm awake feels like an eternity. and yet the days are getting shorter, days and weeks are passing by. and yet i don't feel like i'm moving with it. it's like im stuck in some twisted, infinite loop; some purgatory where everything in my environment changes but me. i'm wasting away with this earth.
i see what's happening in front of me and feel like i'm watching a play, or a show, or maybe some never-ending lucid dream. i don't feel like i'm even here sometimes. i'm a shell of who i once was, and if you asked me to describe myself, i wouldn't be able to form any words, because not even i know who i am.
5.10.2019 ━ i think i'm losing myself again.
5.12.2019 ━ i get so annoyed when i tell people how sorry i am for things i find so important and they respond with some sort of faux pity. when i tell them i'm sorry for being so annoying and bothering them and they respond with "but you aren't" and ":(". shut the fuck up and be honest with me. i am not a little child, i don't need to be lied and babied. i know when i've been a shit person and instead of trying to convince me that "it's okay" i'd rather have you tell me that i am.
they never tried to convince me i'm something i'm not. at least when i admitted my faults to them, they accepted it.